Re: On English Majors

First of all, my hairdos are relatively efficient, I most certainly do have an endless wardrobe of black, and I don’t abuse you nearly as much as I should. I mean, as you think I do. You get fresh produce delivered to you for goodness’ sake. I even eat it with you in public sometimes.

In any case, I told someone that I was going into art history the other day and they told me - guess which: A) Hey, I went to the Uffuzi in Florence once, B) You looked artsy to me, C) Holy cow, or D) You’re going to live in a van down by the river. I guess, technically, I’ve heard all of these comments from real people before (my sister does a good Chris Farley impression), but that’s not the point. The point is …

Then again, I did tell a friend of mine, who did study ceramics engineering, that he would be making toilets for the rest of his life. Turns out, he really does work in a toilet store. We all have bad academic karma when we make fun of the professions of others. Though we pass Turfgrass Management majors every day, we should probably refrain from comments on watching grass grow. Paint drying majors, however, are fair game.

P.S. Your book had better be dedicated to me or you’ll never see your precious produce again.

P.P.S. Is your professor Stanley Fish?